A Few Small Details

It's been about five days now since I lost my best friend, and things are beginning to get better. Last weekend was a lot more difficult than I would have expected, and I was surprised at how hard this has been for Lauren. She and Aiko had a bit of a love/dislike relationship, and there is no doubt that Aiko had some character flaws. But as with many things, you don't always know what you have until it is gone, and for the past few days, we've both really been missing Saint Aiko.

"It's just that I've gotten used to having you around..."
- 'Looks Like Rain' by Bob Weir/John Barlow

Right now, I am alone in my house for the first time in 13 years without my dog. And it feels really empty. Of course I miss her, but the things that I really notice is how much my daily routine revolved around her. Taking care of her was just part of life, and now, all of a sudden, those requirements are gone. I wake up in the morning and take two steps toward letting her out before I catch myself. Same thing at night. On Sunday afternoon I nearly scraped a bunch of table scraps onto the floor before realizing her dish was gone. I was working out in the yard this weekend, and there is a screen door that makes a pretty distinctive noise when opened -- I must've looked over a dozen times when someone opened it expecting to see Aiko shoving it open with her nose.

We've gotten a ton of nice emails from friends, so thanks to all of you. We tried to make ourselves feel better applying the 'she was not a person, just a dog' logic, and while true, it didn't help, so we really appreciated everyone taking time to remind us that she was more than that. People have reminded us of a lot of cool stories... hiking trips, mountain bike rides (she was an awesome trail dog) and stolen barbecues. I had forgotten how many years she slept at the foot of our bed, and about how much she used to like riding in my old jeep with the top down. It's been fun to recall some good memories -- not just of Aiko, but of fun days with friends and family, too.

I think this will be the last of the Aiko posts. We had 13 great years together, and I am glad for all of them. It wasn't always easy, but looking back, I know it was always worthwhile. I think it is time to move on and just remember all of the good times we had together.